TIL: About the Pseudococcidae (aka Mealybug)

Me: The flowers you gave me are hanging by a thread and they are infested with something. It can’t be aphids because they are white and make webs.
KO: Well those aren’t meant to last unless you have a garden.
Me: I love hydrangeas, so I was trying to keep it going.
KO: Oh mealy bugs.
Me: I even repotted. What’s a mealy bug and how do I murder them?
KO: Those are horrible you can’t get rid of them.
Me: Poo!
KO: You have to spray them everyday with insecticide soap and they still keep coming back.
Me: Just looked it up. This is why my plant is dying.
KO: There is one solution but I don’t recommend it. You can bomb the plant with growth regulator but I don’t know how safe it is for you’re health.
Me: It says to prune out light infestations or dab insects with a Q-tip dipped in rubbing alcohol. Dang it, it’s too late. It’s really infested.
KO: Yeah mealy bugs are awful. You basically have to throw away your plant that’s infested just to save your other polenta from getting infested. Throw it away. Like your old boyfriends, they are not worth it.
Me: OMG LOL. BEST LINE EVER. I dies.
KO: You enjoyed it for a little while.
Me: The boyfriends? or the plant?
KO: Boyfriends = Mealy Bugs. Both.
Me: You slay me.

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