The bo͝orˈZHwä Tribe Watch Polo

We decided to watch a Polo match this past Sunday. Before I detail out the hijinks that ensued, I should explain that I live in a bubble. In this bubble everyone works in tech or are entrepreneurs. They love food, unicorns, Teslas and laugh out loud daily at the comics from The Oatmeal. I have never felt more a sense of belonging than here in the valley with my like-minded compatriots.

After an epic first visit for Jen to NYC, and honestly one of the most well rounded and fun trips I’ve had there Jen, Brian and I dreamt of going back. For months we would pass along links to other cool things to do in New York.

One of the links was for watching the Veuve Clicquot Polo Classic. We romanticized the idea of going to an event like this, imagining celebrity sightings, high-end champagne and getting acquainted with a regal sport popularized in Britain. When I saw on Gilt City SF that Audi partnered with Polo SF sponsors a similar event in the Bay Area, it was a perfect opportunity to get a taste of the Polo lifestyle, while getting to check out some amazing cars. I hum the Classic My Little Pony theme song, yell a battle cry of PONIEZ! while forwarding the Gilt link to Jen. She agrees to get the VIP tickets wholeheartedly.

First things first I’m the realest… what to wear because ‘we fancy’. Gilt City SF notes for this event mention “Dress code: comfortable clothes, walking shoes, and layers to accommodate weather changes through the day.”

I send this over to Jen, but to us the description is unhelpful. In the valley this means sweatshirt over a white tee, and shorts with Converse shoes. I “Google” polo attire and end up with beautiful ensembles worn by the lovely Kate Middleton. Instead of actually helping to find something to wear, I end up digressing into researching how Kate met her Prince and began dating. Oh! She first caught his eye via a lingerie show? I did not know this. Juicy.

End up settling on a white Forever 21 blouse with billowy sleeves, black pleather shorts and Madewell The Teddy Loafer in Calf Hair. Similar to the below.

If I had to do this again I might have settled for something like this:

Pleather shorts were way too difficult to pull off in 75 degree Petaluma weather. Flats served me well, as every time I saw a woman in platform heels stagger in the rough ground that surrounded the field, I wanted to yell “Timber!”

Even using Waze we manage to get lost getting to the venue. Once we arrived I drove off into a dirt road to park in the VIP zone. Once we stepped out of my car we narrowly dodged some horse droppings. The horse trailers were all VIP as well.

The field separated the two zones, VIP and regular ticket holders. On the far end of the field were couches, white tents and triangular based domes on the side closer to the parking lot were groups that tailgated with igloos and popup tents. A dune buggy takes you across the field to the VIP section where you can pose flanked by two brilliant red Audis as Jen demonstrates here:



We immediately beeline it to the food tent. Catering was provided by The Girl and the Fig and everything was incredibly nommilicious. Believe it or not, I was actually too hungry to get a photo of the food. But here’s a dreamy view of looking out one of the domes.

It's like living on Mars!

It’s like living on Mars!

We grab our food and settle in to one of the patio couches on the far end of the field. Shortly after we get situated, a group of women take their place at the couches near us. We continue to swat flies away from our food and eavesdrop on their conversations.

I mean the only reason he didn’t call me back obviously must have been because he died. But I tried googling his name with the obits but nothing came up in the results.

Followed by:

He promised to fly me to Australia with mileage points but it never happened.

Not all people at this event were of the above statements caliber of intellect and wit, but many in attendance just made me roll my eyes and want to apologize profusely to Jen for ever suggesting this activity.

Now for your amusement, caricatures of some of the people at this event:

  • Skinny Popped Collar Kid – a blonde teenager with a big gold ring, thick gold chain, reflective aviators and everything was Ralph Lauren.
  • Samwise Gamgee – A spitting image of Sean Astin from LOTRs. He would just stare at people for long periods of time, thinking his sunglasses would shield him from being noticed.
  • Sleazy Promoter Management Guy – He managed a team of women, mostly with far too much makeup on to try to upsell Audi Racing and Polo lessons in a tropical location.
  • Top Heavy Ladies – These were the women who either insisted to wear outfits where their bosom overflowith or dresses that were a couple sizes too tight.
  • Electric blue pants & turquoise loafers guy – Honestly???!?!
  • Family of the Foreign Polo Players – These people seemed more normal and well adjusted.

The polo itself was interesting (USA kept getting crushed by all foreign teams), food was delicious, however the bo͝orˈZHwä tribe that we were surrounded by made me feel extremely uncomfortable, far from the sanctuary that is my bubble. I ended up leaving with the thought that we could have better spent our time better elsewhere.

We left early, but right before we left I did notice one detail that made me smile. This dress:

Do you see what I see?

Do you see what I see?

Unicorns! Damn straight.

Unicorns! Damn straight.

Maybe there’s hope in the future for this event yet.

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